The Healing Process

As I go through the healing process for whatever the back issue is that I have I ponder the healing process in general. How amazing our bodies are to heal from injury or illness. However some injuries and illnesses take time and alot of work to recover from. I do stretching exercises every day and take it easy if it feels like I have overdone it. I know a stroke victim who gave up with rehabilitation and never recovered from their stroke. But I also know someone who never gave up and once again was able to go home and live on her own. But physical healing is not the only trauma to heal from. There is emotional trauma, be it neglect, abuse, or anything in our lives that causes emotional trauma. That is not as easy to spot as a physical trauma but it is very real. However there is a "buck up and get over it mentality" that widespread among society. But I can understand that because to deal with emotional trauma is not easy and it exposes the horrible things people have done to others that they don't want others to know or even the horrible things to us that we are embarrassed to talk about for whatever reason. I was in that group for decades. To let others into the dark parts of my life was also exposing me to rejection-or so I thought. It was not easy to work through all I had buried away but just because I buried it away did not mean it did not come out somewhere and somehow in my life. It was a long painful process because I also had to work through the actions I did out of it. But once I started I did not ever want to stop, the counselor I saw said once I start I need to see it all the way through, if I stop in the middle of it then it will be worse because all that emotion and trauma will be out in the open. I am glad I persevered because the healing and healthiness that was waiting on the other side of it was and is still great. To learn to be more honest and real as opposed to hiding behind a mask is much easier than hiding behind a mask. So if there are those who are beginning in the healing process of emotional trauma keep at it, the benefits are well worth the reliving of the trauma.

Ah relief is happening

The pain is subsiding. Still have some to go but I have been doing stretching specifically for piriformis syndrome. I still have pain but it is no where near what is was when I went to the doctor on Saturday. I am limiting my use of medication because I don't want to be stoned on muscle relaxers or pain killers all the time. I hate that feeling of being high. It is a out of control feeling that I find is not fun at all. I am still taking it easy and trying to no overdue it as to cause a relapse. I am sleeping better with some pain but again not what it was like over the weekend. But even though alot of the pain is gone there is still some. I want the pain all gone so hoping by the end of the week I will have achieved that. This is just physical pain, there are treatments and relief from it but what about emotional pain, that is harder to relieve. And avoiding it will not relieve it, maybe for a bit but once the avoidance factor is stopped then it comes back full force. One has to work through emotional pain to find a healing from it but just like some physical pain it never completely goes away. The intensity is less so a person can function in life once again but it is always there. Depending on what the emotional pain is about it can come back full force at different times especially when the pain is from the death of a loved one. Even with the passage of years there are times when something triggers you right back into the pain of it, as if it just happened. But it will subside once again, not completely but to a manageable level. Just keep one foot in front of the other and surround yourself with a good support system of family and friends.

Pain and functioning

I do not know how some people can live with chronic pain. I have had horrible pain from my right lower back for a few days. It is a condition that I have had for years but this week it is at its worst. I had to go to urgent care because I do not have a regular doctor yet because we just moved to Idaho Falls and I am waiting to get our insurance cards in the mail. But the pain was so bad and I did not sleep well at all last night. Dennis said I was going to the doctor. So urgent care was the choice we had. In the past when this has happened it usually is mild but this time I can hardly sit, stand or lay down so the only choice I have would be to stand on my hands. However I am uncoordinated and could not pull that one off in the long run. So went to the doctor and he said it sounds like I have piriformis syndrome. He gave me drugs for the pain and inflammation. I came home and looked it up and I think he could be right. I will a stretching regime and that should alleviate it and keep it at bay. I can not imagine what it would be like to live with this kind of pain day in and day out. And if the alternative is to be on pain killers all the time which is the lesser of two evils. To have to deal with shooting pain when sitting down or rolling over in bed would be so defeating but to be loopy and sleepy from drugs would be tough also. So I am hoping I can get it to feel better so I don't have to face such a choice.

Time goes on

I am now living in Idaho Falls Idaho, Ammon to be exact. It is gorgeous here and not anything like San Diego or Phoenix. I miss San Diego and living near the beach but glad I am not in Phoenix where it is so awfully hot. However looking for another job is not something I am enjoying but I will find one. I am sure of that. Right now I am enjoying my time of not working. Taking the dogs for longs walks, working on my writing and most of catching up on many years of little sleep. I am glad to have the time to work on my writing and hopefully more frequent blogs. I have quite a poems I have written that I am going to go back to just read over and rework them. I want to put enough together for a book, not that one is in the making but I want enough to be able to if the opportunity ever arises. I also have a couple of stories I have been working and see if I can finish them. Writing is a good outlet for me. I go back and read the poems I wrote when going through difficult times and it is amazing how it helped to write out the emotion. So here I am in a new place and a new chapter in my life. What will this road lead to, how will my life here play out, etc. So stay tuned for hopefully more frequent blogs about life in Idaho.