Being thankful is getting so much harder to grasp. Hope and miracles are in very short supply. If God did not have a hold of me I would fall into a deep hole and not sure I would get out of it. I just need to remind myself to keep looking forward and upward but that is easier said then done. There are times I take more steps backward then I do forward. Things are so hard at my house right now that I am ready to pack up and go back to what I consider home. I know that is not the right thing to do but doesn't make that feeling go away. This is week 2 of a very stressful time. I can hardly eat and when I sleep it is not restful. I feel like there are times I am walking around in a fog. Will things continue this stressful and hard. Will things continue to be painful for a long time. I am not sure I can handle the hurt and pain I am going through right now. I try to find a place to go to just be quiet with God but even that is hard because I miss the beach so very much. That is the one place I could find a peace and solace like I never found anywhere else. There could waves crashing or the gentle lapping at the shore. The glorious sunsets that sing in praise to God. I don't understand why things did not work out that we could stay. I have never felt so at home as I did when we lived there and I was only there for 18 months. But I have to trust God knows the whys of being here and He does know what the future holds better. So I will go for now, try to get some sleep and maybe it will be restful and tomorrow I will wake up with even a smidgen of hope.
