Latest Poem

The Darkness

The dark pit yawns before me waiting to swallow me up

I can’t find a way to get off this downward spiral

I cry out in anguish and pain yet I grow dead inside

My mind begins to grow numb unable to think clearly

I want to end this pain and anguish.

I want the memories that plague me to stop

At times I see only one way out of this

Yet I can’t take that route, go that path

Will the pain and hurt ever end??

The pain seems to always be there, the thoughts, the doubt. Have things gone to far that we can't make it work, that we are done. I want to hope not but hope is in short supply right now. I distrust him so much that it consumes me. I feel like I am just going through my days that melt into each other. The darkness that closes in around me and has moments of lifting but only moments. I strive to put on a happy face but it is not always easy. I am getting better at it and when I can fool my husband then I know I will have succeeded.

The day before Thanksgiving I came within about 20 seconds of getting in a head on collision with someone driving on the wrong side of the highway. I am so thankful I am not in the hospital or worse. One thing that came out of it is I know this is not my home, that the southwest is where I belong, either CA or AZ. I felt such peace when that realization hit me. Now whether it is with or without Dennis that remains to be seen. All I know is I need to focus on getting myself healthy emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually. So who knows how things will turn out. I need to learn to focus on today and leave the future up to God.