Tough Love

Tough love with others is hard to do especially when it is our children. I had to be that way with my oldest when she almost 19. It was not easy and we barely spoke for about 2 years. But she turned her life around and is now a productive adult. So now I am facing it with my third child, the baby of the family and my only son. He is floundering and has no drive or direction. His step father and I have been very supportive and helpful but nothing is helping. Now he is making some bad choices and we can't tolerate it anymore. Basically will give him a couple of months to get the help he needs and get at least a part time job or he is out. That is scary because he has no where else to go but I have to get tough. He has such a negative attitude joined with that attitude of entitlement that is amid the young today. I love my son very much but I can't do this anymore. My husband has been so patient and loving all this time. He already knew this needed to be done but he also knew I needed to come to this realization on my own. As you noticed I mentioned my oldest and youngest but not my second child, the middle one, a daughter. I never had to do that with her, she has been working since she was 16 and bought her own place at 20 years old. She is very responsible and dependable. She has never expected anyone to hand her anything. She saw me support and take of the three of them for 14 years by myself and even in the roughest of times I carried on and did what I knew I needed to. Now where was their dad you might be asking. He was good about always paying child support but he was not around in their lives much. He was busy with his wife and step daughter and just did not have time for them. I think it is slowly starting to change and I hope it does. I have always wanted him to be a part of their lives, I knew it was important. My husband, who I have been married to for less than 2 years has been more of a dad to them. He is a good man, a hardworking man who is very caring and kind. So back to where this started, tough love is not an easy thing to do but there are times it is very necessary especially for the growth and maturity of our children. Yet I understand it could have not affect on him and he could end up being homeless however that is his choice, he is 21 years old and needs to get himself on a healthier path. I am glad I have my husband for love and support and patience cuz this is going to be so difficult to do. I also know I am not alone, there are other parents who have had to get tough with their children and knowing that will also give me strength that I need to do what needs to be done.