It has been so very long since I have written anything. Almost a month. I have been trying that thankful thing and so far it isn't doing much. I miss my girls so much and it gets harder every time I leave them. I spent over a week in AZ then a weekend and coming home was so very painful. I have been crying when I drive back and forth to work. I am ready to throw it all away and go back home. I went so far as to check out jobs and figure out if I could afford to live on my own. But I know I would regret it and I love my husband so very much. But will that be enough to keep me here if we never move back home. Can I weather the pain and hurt I constantly feel. Our marriage has been on shaky ground for awhile but I am not ready to give up. I want to hold fast but I feel us slipping away. I feel myself slipping away. Our third anniversary is around the corner and I really don't feel like doing anything for it. It is a good thing his daughter lives with us so that makes a good excuse as to why we can't go overnight anywhere. There is a Genesis song called "throwing it all away" and it is constantly playing in my head. Can I hold on and not throw my marriage away. See what happens in 3-4 years after my stepdaughter graduates. Will I just suck it up and continue on here after that. All I know is I want to go home and this is not home to me.
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