Out of Control

Things seem so out of control. Something has reared its ugly head in my marriage and I don't know if we will survive it. I am contemplating my options on what to do. But then what the heck can I do? I have my house back home however I have no job and no means to get my things there. I am so devastated at the thought of not being with my husband, not having him a part of my life and the worst is because of something on his part. I am so angry at him for what has happened yet I am so very sad and hurt about it. On top of that dealing with some fallout of my son's behavior. It is nothing he has done but if he wasn't such an arrogant shit he would not be in this mess. I look at these two men, the two most important men in my life and I resent them so very much for all this shit. I am trying to come up with the words to describe how I feel right now. I know I want to just chuck it all in, runaway. I feel like I am in a life that I don't want. Funny thing is even though I hate living here while I was on my vacay I realized I would not want to live anywhere without my husband. So here's my out, my chance to just pack it up and go home. However financially just not possible so do I just bide my time and get things together financially so I can do it down the road? I did tell Timothy he needs to get his shit together and out of his own cuz I don't know what the future holds for my husband and I. Things are spinning out of control and there is nothing that can be done to stop it from doing that. I have completely turned my life around for him and shit after shit keeps happening from him. Do I just say heck with it and cut my losses and just leave. But that takes money to move my stuff and then money to live on till I get a job. Then there is our debt, that makes it dicier because right now things are tight. So do I wait it out and get us ahead financially then leave or what do I do? Oh let's not forget the age factor for getting a job. That will work against me. Well I better stop because I am making myself more depressed with going over it. I am stuck in an out of control life.