always

I understand and accept that it is better for my stepdaughter to live with us but I forgot that kids are always around and unlike my grown son who lives with us we can't just go where ever we want and not have to worry about him. Constant and more constant. I feel so guilty and selfish when I think like this. Again just not sure how this will change our relationship. There is no more thinking if, it is when. I just feel like we will not have the intimacy we did before, we will lose that. I am good at pretending and I really need to keep on. I don't want her to feel unwelcome or in the way because that is how her mom has made her feel especially since she has moved in with us. This is her home and she needs to feel safe and secure here. I am tired already and the school run has just started. We have till the first week in June. I don't even know what to feel or to think at times. I can be up and then down. I feel like my job is my only sanctuary. It is where I feel calm and peaceful even though things are hectic. It is familiar and while things are different and changing there is continuity to what I do. I will strive to look at positives to this all and keep one foot in front of the other and trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my acknowledge Him and He will make my paths straight. That is one of my life verses and I need to keep my focus on God and His Word. I don't want to lose my husband and I and I have to trust God to help me to stay true and strong.