HIde Inside

I find it is better to hide inside. To keep the numbness and pain and agony to myself. I already expressed myself to my husband and I honestly thought he heard me but now that is all forgotten. I will lessen myself and my desires and my pain and my homesickness. I am already feeling smaller, like I am diminishing. But I can wear a mask, I am very good at that. I have this to express myself and my journal. Writing helps keep a lid on it, allows me to feel like someone is listening to what I am saying. Whether anyone actually ever reads what I write is beyond me but still I will write out, I will express, I will vent. This is all I have today. I will carry on, continue just being for now. Who knows maybe someday all this will pass but I don't have much hope of that.